Downers Grove, IL

I have been having pretty odd dreams lately, but last night was a record. I woke up in the middle of the night with Downers Grove, IL in my head. I have never heard of this place before but for some reason it was very important to remember it. I grabbed my blackberry and typed it in under an existing memo. Sure enough, when i woke up i could not recall the name and i wasn't sure if i had really woken up or just dreamed it. There is was in the blackberry. I googled it and it's a real place, though it has no meaning at all.

It just seems logical that i must have heard the name recently but i have no idea where. I also had a pretty intense dream about my family, my sister and i were having a very bad fight with my mother. I was losing my mind on her about abusing us, but she never did in real life. Well, no more than any other kid got hit in the 70's and 80's. It was scary how real the whole thing was and how pissed off i was-- more than i have ever been in real life.

It's funny how real life affects dreams. I just wish i knew what it all meant. I'm going to freak if something real happens involving Downers Grove.

My Story

As I read other blogs and how some are able to pay debt down by thousands by selling on ebay, I get a little discouraged. I will be lucky if I have $200. I know, I know—every little bit helps and I still plan to sell what I can. Unfortunately, the money I make may need to go towards my current bills as I still have no income. Most of my debt didn’t come from spending, although about 10k did (and that's a problem). 3 years ago we found out my partner had cancer. It was very sudden, found during surgery so we had no time to adjust. The chemo that followed threw us out of whack financially. We weren’t doing so well either with all the stress. I realize we are very, very fortunate to have insurance and the means to afford treatment, but it’s still financially draining. So, I incurred a lot of debt there and in the following 2 years where my income was all we had. We made about the same, so to lose half of your annual income is quite an adjustment. But we made good money with relatively little debt and no kids, so it was manageable. Then came my surgery. Again, I know I am fortunate to have the means to have this surgery, but it didn’t come cheap. I also had no idea that I would not be working 5 months later. Having another surgery really concerns me because I keep thinking “what if”. The first surgery was supposed to cure all and it didn’t, so what if this one doesn’t either? I have done the same job my whole life and worked my way up to a decent position. If I cannot continue to work in the same field, I will probably have the potential to earn maybe half of what I do now. As I try to find ways to make cuts I realize that I am pretty frugal already. I use suave shampoo, shop by unit price and buy in bulk, buy what’s on sale (usually) at the grocery store, shop at Old Navy mainly, no hand bags or designer shoes at all (I don’t even carry a purse), get my hair cut at The Hair Cuttery.

The biggest problem is that I need to learn that if I don’t have cash then I can’t afford it. That includes groceries, dog food, and gas. A lot of those habits I picked up when struggling with 1 income and all the medical bills, but that makes no difference. Debt is debt. Even if I had donated 23k to the SPCA, it’s still debt that needs to be repaid.

I think what I will do for now is organize what I have to sell, take pics, research, etc. I’ll put listing on hold until I find out what’s up with long-term—she is supposed to let me know this week. I have the money to pay March’s mortgage and should be ok for the other bills as well. I still have sick and vacation time I can use for April’s bills if things haven’t improved by then. I haven’t spent any money this week but when I do I will track it here. In the meantime I am having fun reading all the blogs out there and getting to know you all. It’s great to know there is so much support out there.

Problem Found

Well, it looks like IE was the issue with blogger. I switched to Firefox and all seems well. I couldn't access the blog after the initial post and that's what happened with the other blog i created. I think part of it is the new blogger, but this seems to work for now.

I am going to add links sometime today or tomorrow. I have found many, many wonderful blogs via leighann, so if i link you and you'd prefer i don't, just let me know and i will remove it.

I just spent most of the morning dragging shit downstairs to list on eBay. I have much more stuff than i thought but it's not really expensive stuff. Still, every bit helps and i will put it all to debt. I am going to try some stuff on craigslist to start in order to avoid fees. Also, shipping might get to be a pain since i am still recovering from this surgery and too much walking and lifting is painful.

I think i made some progress with the long-term disability woman today. They have a way of making you feel so worthless. Sick leave (extended) is incredibly over-rated and i would much rather be at work. I really do like my job and i am losing a ton of money by not working. I am not eligible for bonus, so that's $10,800 right there. I don't have my company car while not working and i can't expense my internet. I still have my blackberry, though not sure how long they will keep that line active. I was only supposed to be out for 8-10 weeks initially. I also will only get 60% of my salary when (if) my claim is approved. There will be some back pay, though, so that will all go right to debt.

OK, off to organize my eBay items.

Once Again.....

OK, for some reason I couldn't access the blog i created a few days ago. Let's hope that doesn't happen again.

I also want to clarify about my surgery-- even though it was elective, it was not cosmetic. I wasn't injured at work and that's why they won't let me return. I had a very serious surgery on my hip that will hopefully prevent the need for hip replacements in the future. I am having a complication and may need another surgery, though very minor in comparison. Long-term disability is designed to fight you every step of the way, so I haven't seen any money since my short-term stopped in January.

(here is the opening post from the other blog i created)

Inspired by leighann, who's blog i found via grace, I'm here to get my life in order. I am going to get a total together this afternoon. Unfortunately, a plan isn't so simple for me. I had one that would have me paid off in two years but i have bigger problems right now. I had an elective surgery a few months ago and i am not back to work yet. I did not expect to be out of work for so long and long-term disability is a pain in the ass. My ltd claim still isn't approved and the case worker is a douche bag. I don't know yet what my net will be since the taxes are crazy, so i cannot make a budget right now. I can pay minimums and do not expect to fall behind, which is a huge plus. But this surgery really jacked up my debt and i am north of 20k on credit cards right now. More later, just wanted to create this blog and get a post up while i was motivated. Spending is absolutley on hold for now and i want to make an effort to be accountable here.

________________

So, the total came to just over 23k. I am in the process of consolidating into a home equity loan for 1 payment and lower interest. I know that this now makes it a secured loan, but 1 payment is going to help me manage this better. I can easily double the payments when I am able to return to work. I do not have access to the cards-- undecided about canceling them since i don't want to lower my FICO. I actually have awesome credit and would love to see my FICO hit 800!

I need to be accountable for my spending and that's what i plan to do here. I need to make sure that i do not get into debt again. My ex (who still lives here) is moving out in the next few months, so that will mean less money for bills. I am still at a manageable level and i can fix this, i just need to stay focused.

Thank you all for the support!